Diary of a Sunnydale highschooler: The TRUTH
by BlackRoseSpuffyFan
Summary: What really goes on at Sunnydale high?
1. Chapter 1

**I got the idea from one of Strawberii's Tokyo Mew Mew stories.**

**A/N I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer**

**BTW: Ashley is just the narrator  
**

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**Monday 26th May / Period 1 Maths**

I, Ashley Memiko, have decided to write all my lifes adventures in this beautiful, leather bound diary. Well, I didn't so much decide as a homeless man named Giles threw it at me and threatened to kill me if I didn't write in it then passed out in a pool of his own sick. People in Sunnydale are strange. For instance my school seems to be filled with imbeciles (Angel and Amy), retar- I mean the socially awkward, (Spike and Riley) your usual gang of popular whor- girls. (Buffy Summers, Anya Jenkins, Cordelia Chase, Harmony Kendall, Tara Maclay and Darla whatever her second name is)and nerds (Xander Harris, Willow Rosenberg and Andrew Wells), emo/goths...(Oz, Drusilla and Faith) I guess I could write down my schools going ons and then compare them to other diaries like Anne Frank's, maybe. I bet Anne Frank's school didn't have Spike who pee'd out the maths window and hit our headteacher in the eye while he was smoking a cigarette. Well, that is my first entry but I gotta go. Spike is heading my way.

**Period 2 English**

How the HELL would I know if Buffy is still a virgin? More importantly, why would Spike care? Because he is MADLY in love with her, that's why! Beside Buffy NEVER talks to me because she is the most popular girl in school along with Cordelia and Darla so she wouldn't give me the time of day. Actually she COULDN'T give me the time of day because in maths class she admitted she dosen't know how to tell time. How is that for maturity? She is so dumb! But judging by the way she acts I'm guessing it's a big no-no for the virgin thing. When I said this to Spike he refused to believe this. See, madly in love! But she's dating Angel, the principals son, scoring major brownie points for Buffy. I like Spike, he seems romantic. Last year, he sereneded her in the girls toilets and she threw a box of tampons at him and called him a 'pervert'. See, romantic. My teacher, Mr. Wolverine (Obviously, not his real name but he has BIG sideburns. So, yeah), begins shouting at Anya for trying to strip in class for Xander. People in my school have problems.

**Break**

All of Mr. Wolverine's class has been signed up for councelling because we had to see Anya's breast. Spike just spent the first five minutes of lunch showing me the pictures he took of them. Angel and Buffy must have heard out 'Is Buffy a virgin conversation?' because they thought about it and a poll has been open about it. Amy, Willow and Tara have formed a new club called 'The Witches' and I'm not sure but I heard Buffy is planning on running them out of town with pitchforks and torches. I think Buffy needs to be drove out of town with pitchforks and torches. Where would she get a pitchfork from anyway? Does she even know what year where in?

Probably not.

**Period 3 Earth Science**

The poll of 'Is Buffy a virgin' still races on and Buffy is suspiciously quiet. Amy heard about Buffy's pitchfork plan and hit her over the head with a caldron so Buffy and co spent the rest of period 3 tending to Buffy's sore head.

**Period 5 History**

The poll is over and Buffy is NOT a virgin. Due to this the principal has forbidden Angel from dating Buffy. This has resulted in Spike going on the school's roof and yelling 'SCORE' as his crazy ex Drusilla yelled 'Jump'.

**Home 6:00pm**

I've just recieved seven text asking me what colour panties I think Buffy is wearing. What is WRONG with Spike! But I'm still on his side with the whole Buffy should be with him thing. That could change, though, if he sends me ONE MORE TEXT about the colour of Buffy's panties!

Buffy's little sister has just rang me informing me that, apparently, Angel dosen't care about sucking up to his dad if that means losing Buffy. Thw two were found, by Angel's dad, behind a dumpster. According to Dawn, she slapped Angel then ran behind his dad, accusing him of fondling her. She's a very good actress. Angel has been suspended for a week and he is not allowed to use any of his hair gel for a month. Oh, the horror!

Buffy was then spotted making out with Spike behing the bronze by Cordelia. What is WRONG with society?


	2. Chapter 2

**Tuesday 27th May/ Period 1+2 Therapy**

When Anya showed her breasts yesterday we were all sent to therapy because we were all 'scarred'. So, that is why I'm sat in a chair across from Mr. Giles, the man I previously thought was homeless. Well, at least I get to miss my first two lessons. Bonus. Were doing therapy three people at a time so it's me, Buffy and Drusilla.

"They were like two big clouds of fuzzy love." Drusilla says, making weird hand gestures.

"I think they were bigger than mine!" Buffy exclaims, suprised.

"I honestly didn't see them." I say.

"Do you have pictures?" Giles asks, leaning forward.

"No!" I exclaims.

"Yes." Buffy and Drusilla say in usion.

"Well," Mr Giles clears his throat "I'll need them for examantion."

Yuck. Yuck. And yuck!

**Break**

There they are. Spike and Buffy. Canoodling at their table. Dawn thinks it's romantic. HOW is it romantic when a guy twists your boobs and goes "Calling all cars, are you receiving me?" And the popular table just exploded with laughter. I seriously think Amy is going to spontaneously combust with fury. She said its vile and disgusting and was all set to tell the teacher until Dawn stopped her. Great, I better jot this down for future blackmail.

"Just because YOU like porn doesn't mean others should have to witness it." Amy scowled.

Dawn gasped, "I do NOT like porn, I just think if that they are happy being 'vile' then let them be!"

Amy groaned,"Please, the way he grabbed her 'things' they nearly POPPED!"

"Just because you have fried eggs and Buffy is 36DD!" Dawn brought out the first insult, and I want to know HOW she knows Buffy's bra size? Does she try them on or something?

Probably.

Amy raised her eyebrow. "Is that even a size? And I do not have fried eggs. How dare you!"

At this point we had attracted some unwanted male attention, (unfortunately from the school pervert) so I decided to butt in.

"Um...Guys? I don't think its polite to discuss ones bra size in the middle of the lunch hall..."

"Shut it, meatballs!" Dawn cried, which was rather insulting because I don't like meatballs since I found a false nail in one at school.

Amy seemed to agree here. "Yeah stay out of it, meatballs!"

I wish I was never born.

And I'm afraid the rest of the conversation was rather graphic. Dawn and Amy came up with some rather abusive obscene language which got ALL of us detention which I attempted to protest against but was put off by Spike staring at my 'meatballs'.

**Period 3 World History**

You know what I really hate? History. You know what makes history even worse? When your sat next to a kid that smell like he hasn't bathed in years.

I am, offically, forming a complaint against all the boys in my class. Spike for asking me about periods, Xander for smelling worse than than school food, Giles for being SICK on me during break and I'm sure Angel, Riley, Oz and Andrew has done something, at some point in their lives, to make me hate them.

**Lunch / Nurses Office**

I have been forced to visit the nurse thanks to, yours faithfully, Dawn Summers. At first I thought she was the one that was sick but, apparently, she was just trying to prove Amy wrong. Amy said Dawn was a 'Teachers pet' that would never do anything rebellious so before the nurse arrived Dawn thumped so hard in the stomach that I was sick all over. The nurse was NOT happy.

So while I upheaved EVERYWHERE, Dawn blinked innocently and said;

"Ashley is sick, so I brought her here!"

Although it should have been Dawn who vomited because before long even she realized she wasn't allowed to hang around in the infirmary pretending to be interested in a photo of a cats diaphragm. Why, in the name of MJ, is it a CATS! So she sloped off and I was sat alone vomiting into a bucket when Buffy walked in. At first I thought her boobs had dropped off because she was crippled over but then she stood straight and there was an eclipse of light in the doorway. She smiled at me and sat down and winced as I threw my breakfast (of green tea because my mom is going through a hippie stage) into a quickly filling bucket.

Then Buffy sighed as if me being sick was a burden on HER part!

"You know it was pretty stupid to let my little sis hit you, just so you would vomit. I would have stuck my fingers down my throat or got pregnant."

I didn't even bother to reply and our conversation drew to and end.

I'm so going home.


	3. Chapter 3

Thursday 29th May

It feels good to be back in school with the wonderful smell of stink bombs and teenage angst. And it feels so right to see Spike standing outside the princibals office wearing gym shorts because he tried to set fire to his farts and his pants caught alight. It was actually kinda funny to see him rinning around shouting "Bloody hell! Man, I'm on fire! Put me out! Put me out! PUT ME OUT!" We were all stood frozen until homeless man Mr. Giles burst in and grabbed the fire extinguisher and sprayed Spike until the Principal stopped him, saying he was getting a bit carried. Mr. Giles muttered something about foam then toddled off to his little office.

Buffy Summers has told Anya Jenkins that Dawn punched me so I would vomit because I wanted to be thinner. Anya is famous for gossip, and spread it immediately, expanding the story so that I passed out and was rushed to hospital. Nobody is speaking to Dawn. But she doesn't seem to notice - or plain just dosen't care - because now she has new friends. I found them round the back of school but couldn't see their heads because of the smoke, it cleared though and I actually jumped in surprise. They had so much make up on - pale foundation, black eyeshadow and purple lipstick, both Dawn and her new friends could barely keep their eyes open.

"Meet my new friends, Oz and Dru and Faith." She inhaled then looked at me like I was the principal or something.

"Want a spliff? I can build you one." Oz said.

"Damn you Oz! Females don't smoke that crap! Its either cigarettes or drugs." Faith snapped.

"I'm sure Ashley would be thankful for your knife Dru, it would be another good excuse for her to leave the classroom." Dawn said and handed over a plastic knife from the canteen.

"Dawn! You haven't been cutting yourself, have you?" I asked horrified.

"Just once when I thought Oz was being sexist. As it turns out, females don't take much joy in it as males. You better not try it." Dawn explained.

"DAWN! I WAS NEVER GOING TO!"

I just left after that. I mean, if Dawn wants to smoke crap and cut herself its hardly my problem, is it? I do fear for my life though. I accidentally told Anya about it in Geometry and the she really has took a shine to me.

Her story is Dawn is slitting her wrists to end her tragic life, the life where Buffy get the guys she wants, and smoking is her pain relief. And Dru, Oz and Faith are going to sacrifice her to an emo god and take over the school unless everyone ignores them. Of course its all made it up. Well, except the part about ignoring them.

Home

Something strange has happened to me again. And no, it's not that on the way home Mr. Giles threatened to sacrafice me to a 'Watcher council'. It was like a Mean Girls scene.

I was walking over to mine and Amy table when Buffy stopped me.

"Hey, bitch! Come sit with us!" And the next thing I know I was at the popular table, they are so noisy. I swear I thought the vacuum made a lot of noise but when Anya starts kissing Xander the vacuum is put to shame. In fact, they were all at it. Buffy explained they were on a diet and threw my hummus sandwich away for me.

"Kissing saves me from starvation." She said before Spike leapt across the table and kissed the life out of her. I felt quite out of place yet it felt exotic, so from today, I am officially recording the status of the popular group. And Dawn's group because if the hospital needs a reason of death I might just have it written down.


End file.
